Sunday, February 14, 2010

Don't you dare call this shit quiche (D2)

Hello there young bucks, guest blogger Danielle here again to share with you this awesome recipe for egg and meat pie. Or man soufflé. Or egg/cheese/bacon bake. Call it what you like, but don't you dare call this shit quiche or your man won't eat it.

So I made this shit during our double eff you blizzard up here in Va last week. See, I went to Costco with all the other assholes who thought the world was ending to buy some essentials. On a side note, why is it that with a blizzard on the way people think they're going to be taking extra shits? I mean, I've never seen people buy so much fucking toilet paper in my life. I don't get it. Anyway, let me go back to my man pie story.

So I was a Costco stocking up on chicken, doritos and a new helicopter seat when I went to get some eggs. The fucking egg section was completely empty. Dammit - no omelets during our snow-in. So on my way to the register with the other 239846725 assholes in line I come across a Costco employee carrying some eggs. So I ask him, "hey Costco guy - u putting those back?", he says yes and I ask/tell him to hand the shit over. And just my luck, its a package of 90. So I had to make a quick decision, 90 eggs or no eggs. So I go with 90.

Anyway, as you can imagine, I have to come up with some awesome egg recipes STAT to use 90 eggs in about 5 weeks. Enter man pie.

So I offered to make my husband a quiche like a year ago and he was all like, hell no baby - men don't eat quiche. Alrighty then... pretty sure its just eggs, meat of some kind, cream, cheese, and whatever else you want to throw in there in a pie crust but what do I know? I've actually never made one before until I had 90 eggs to go through.

Shit you're gonna need:

* 5 eggs, 1 egg white --- now I don't know what dumbass came up with that ratio or if its even important to have the 1 almighty white. But some website that I came across when I googled "bad ass man quiche" told me to throw a fucking egg white in with 5 whole eggs so I went with it. I trust google and so should you.

* some kind of meat. I used some manly ass smoked sausage dick looking shit my husband loves to make this an official man-pie. You can use bacon or ham or turkey sausage or brats or whatever the fuck you like, I don't care.

* an array of cheeses. I used like a cup of cheddar, half a cup of parmesano reggiano (or whatever rachel ray uses - I bought a truckload of that shit at Costco) and half a cup of mozzarella. I hear people use swiss in quiches, but not me I hate swiss. Just throw whatever you got in there, I don't think it matters

* a cup of cream and a half cup of milk. Now if you don't have cream, don't lose your panties over it - just use a cup and a half of milk. Cream just makes it more gooder.

* ready made pie crust. Now I'll be honest, the only reason I even made this man pie was because I came across a refrigerated pie crust that had been hiding out in my fridge since xmas. Who knew those fuckers keep that long? Well, they do.

* vegetables if you want... (I didn't put veggies in mine, but if you want to be all healthy, I won't judge you)

Shit u're gonna do:

Heat up your oven to like 375. Brown up your man meat.


While cooking your meat, throw all your other ingredients into a bowl and mix that shit up. Add some salt and pepper if you want or any other seasonings if you so desire. I think I sprinkled some garlic powder in there, but I can't remember.


Anyway, spray a pie plate with some cooking spray and roll out your pie crust. When your meat is done cooking, throw that shit in with your egg/cheese mixture and holy shit, you're ready. Pour that shit into the pie crust and bake it for like 50 minutes. I know that's a long ass time, but what do you want from me?

Finished product:


Anyway, I served this up for my husband and called it meat and egg bake or some shit and he tore it up. After he was done licking his fingers I told him it was a quiche and he said, "no it was not" and instead of arguing I took a mental score of me: 1 him: 0 - one point closer to world domination.


  1. Great Italian sauce Recipe

    2 28 oz cans of Marzano Italian Tomatoes
    4 strips of bacon chopped
    1 ½ Cups of chops onions
    Two garlic cloves chopped
    1 Cup of grated carrots
    1 table spoon of Thyme finely chopped
    Olive Oil (EVOO)
    Salt and Paper to taste

    1. Sautee bacon in about two teaspoons of EVOO until cooked through…. You can discard the bacon if you want (I don’t)
    2. If needed add more EVOO and throw in onions and garlic until transparent for about 3-4 minutes
    3. Throw in carrots and thyme and sauté for another 4 minutes
    4. Through in tomatoes and bring to a boil….. then lower to simmer and let cook for about 30 minutes
    5. Mash tomatoes with potato masher and simmer for another 15-20 minutes
    6. Salt and pepper to taste
    Serve with any kind of pasta and sprinkle with Italian or regular parsley.

    This sauce can be used for anything that calls for Italian parsley….. simple make and tasty….and cheap. I usually make a large batch and freeze for later.. The key to the great taste are the Italian Marzano tomatoes.