Hello there young bucks, guest blogger Danielle here again to share with you this awesome recipe for egg and meat pie. Or man soufflé. Or egg/cheese/bacon bake. Call it what you like, but don't you dare call this shit quiche or your man won't eat it.
So I made this shit during our double eff you blizzard up here in Va last week. See, I went to Costco with all the other assholes who thought the world was ending to buy some essentials. On a side note, why is it that with a blizzard on the way people think they're going to be taking extra shits? I mean, I've never seen people buy so much fucking toilet paper in my life. I don't get it. Anyway, let me go back to my man pie story.
So I was a Costco stocking up on chicken, doritos and a new helicopter seat when I went to get some eggs. The fucking egg section was completely empty. Dammit - no omelets during our snow-in. So on my way to the register with the other 239846725 assholes in line I come across a Costco employee carrying some eggs. So I ask him, "hey Costco guy - u putting those back?", he says yes and I ask/tell him to hand the shit over. And just my luck, its a package of 90. I.shit.you.not. So I had to make a quick decision, 90 eggs or no eggs. So I go with 90.
Anyway, as you can imagine, I have to come up with some awesome egg recipes STAT to use 90 eggs in about 5 weeks. Enter man pie.
So I offered to make my husband a quiche like a year ago and he was all like, hell no baby - men don't eat quiche. Alrighty then... pretty sure its just eggs, meat of some kind, cream, cheese, and whatever else you want to throw in there in a pie crust but what do I know? I've actually never made one before until I had 90 eggs to go through.
Shit you're gonna need:
* 5 eggs, 1 egg white --- now I don't know what dumbass came up with that ratio or if its even important to have the 1 almighty white. But some website that I came across when I googled "bad ass man quiche" told me to throw a fucking egg white in with 5 whole eggs so I went with it. I trust google and so should you.
* some kind of meat. I used some manly ass smoked sausage dick looking shit my husband loves to make this an official man-pie. You can use bacon or ham or turkey sausage or brats or whatever the fuck you like, I don't care.
* an array of cheeses. I used like a cup of cheddar, half a cup of parmesano reggiano (or whatever rachel ray uses - I bought a truckload of that shit at Costco) and half a cup of mozzarella. I hear people use swiss in quiches, but not me I hate swiss. Just throw whatever you got in there, I don't think it matters
* a cup of cream and a half cup of milk. Now if you don't have cream, don't lose your panties over it - just use a cup and a half of milk. Cream just makes it more gooder.
* ready made pie crust. Now I'll be honest, the only reason I even made this man pie was because I came across a refrigerated pie crust that had been hiding out in my fridge since xmas. Who knew those fuckers keep that long? Well, they do.
* vegetables if you want... (I didn't put veggies in mine, but if you want to be all healthy, I won't judge you)
Shit u're gonna do:
Heat up your oven to like 375. Brown up your man meat.
While cooking your meat, throw all your other ingredients into a bowl and mix that shit up. Add some salt and pepper if you want or any other seasonings if you so desire. I think I sprinkled some garlic powder in there, but I can't remember.
Anyway, spray a pie plate with some cooking spray and roll out your pie crust. When your meat is done cooking, throw that shit in with your egg/cheese mixture and holy shit, you're ready. Pour that shit into the pie crust and bake it for like 50 minutes. I know that's a long ass time, but what do you want from me?
Anyway, I served this up for my husband and called it meat and egg bake or some shit and he tore it up. After he was done licking his fingers I told him it was a quiche and he said, "no it was not" and instead of arguing I took a mental score of me: 1 him: 0 - one point closer to world domination.