Friday, December 2, 2011

Asian Meaty-balls

I'll start off by saying that I'm not Asian. My husband has "thing" for Asian women, so it makes me almost immediately hate gorgeous Asian ladies... but that's a story for another time. And if your're a gorgeous Asian woman, hope you understand.

In a rush to get a delectable and healthy-ish dish on the table in a hurry for my girls earlier this week, I ran to my pantry to see what the fuck I could throw in with some defrosted ground turkey meat. My younger daughter has a fucking stopwatch that she pulls out at 6:30pm on the dot each night and gets pretty panicked if dinner isn't be served, I knew I had to move fast!

Not sure that every house has things like fish sauce, soy sauce, and terriyaki sauce just hanging around the pantry - but we don't fuck around at my house. We've got a pantry full of random stuff and these ingredients are what stuck out that night. See my husband is a chef and he's always trying out new shit. So we have some pretty uncommon things in our house like pineapple chutney, duck livers, geranium leaves, and annatto seeds to name a few.

Shit you're gonna need:
  • 1 lb of defrosted ground turkey or beef
  • couple of splashes of fish sauce
  • 1/2 a white onion, cut into little pieces
  • 2 stalks of green onions, cut into little pieces
  • couple splashes of soy sauce
  • couple splashes of terriyaki sauce
  • 1/2 - 3/4 cup of panko bread crumbs
  • 1 egg, for binding and shit
  • sesame oil
Shit you're gonna do:
Now, 1st off, please don't bitch at me that the ingredients are complicated and you don't have any of them and this recipe requires a run to the store. I understand this and I apologize. But seriously, I told you we had weird shit from the start of this recipe. Let's continue....

Throw the pound of meat you have into a big ass bowl. Take all the other ingredients, except the sesame oil and throw all that shit in there too. Take off your wedding rings and get your hands a little dirty and really give this shit a good, thorough squishy mix. Make sure you remember to put your rings back on so that the next day at work no one is talking shit behind your back about how they saw your divorce coming long before you ever did. That'd be fucked up. If your meat mixture is a bit too soft because of all the liquid you've put in, throw some more Panko in there to toughen it up a little.

Use a biggish skillet, pour some sesame oil in there and get it nice and hot. I cook everything on med-hi to high on my stove top. One of the key ways to ensure your shit is cooked up real good is by making sure that your pan is super hot. Bring your bowl to the stove and start making some meatballs and sticking them in the hot oil. Don't be a dumb ass and burn yourself with hot oil, that shit sucks.

Watch your meaty balls like a hawk and when they're starting to brown nice and crispy on one side, flip those fuckers over and give some equal love to the still raw side. Do this for like 15-20 until they're cooked all the way through. I suppose you could also throw these little babies in the oven and drizzle them with sesame oil, but that's not the way I'd do. To each their own I say.

Voila - that's it. Asian Meaty Balls. I serve these little bad boys with some white rice and if I have some coconut milk in my pantry (which I normally do of course), then I serve them with coconut rice instead. Easy way to do that is just replace the water you'd use when making your rice with coconut milk. Shit is ridiculous.


(ps - I stole the picture above from the internets b/c I forgot to take one of my own meat balls - so sue me)