Shit you’re gonna need:A three to four pound chicken (if you’re smart, which you must be if you’re reading this blog, think about getting two of these bastards and making two at a time. The only difference would be the amount of time you cook it. You’ll have to cook them longer smart guy. Rocket science? No.)
Softened butter…mmmmmmmm, butter. (put it in the microwave for a few seconds if you take it out of the fridge. I pull it out in the morning when I’m making breakfast and it pretty much sits out all day because I know I’ll probably use a whole damn stick of it. And yes, I said “pull out”)
Shit you’re gonna do:Preheat your oven to 325. If your chicken comes all wrapped in plastic, which it probably does, you’re gonna have to do the nasty with this damn thing. When I say “do the nasty”, I mean you’re gonna have to get your hands all over this nasty thing and wash it. I don’t want slimy shit all over my chicken. Effing gross. Here’s a little tip for ya’ while washing this bad boy or girl, (I guess we’ll never know will we?) run the water over the chicken, making sure you have it on a slow and steady stream. Kinda like when you’re trying to pee in a really empty echo-ey bathroom and you don’t want anyone to hear you piss like a race horse. So, once your chicken is all de-slimed, you’re gonna need to pat this dry. I don’t mean just pat it with a paper towel lightly, I mean you’re really going to have pat the whole thing really dry and lay it in your roasting pan. This will ensure that you have a bad ass brown skin on the top. Pale ass chicken isn’t good. Just like my pale ass skin doesn’t look good in a jean skirt, but I digress.