Sunday, February 14, 2010

I was a dumbass once.

Well, more than once, but I thought I'd share this with you.

A long long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, before I even met the hubs, I had an apartment of my own. It had a stove. And I had pots and pans and dishes that my grandmother gave me as a house warming gift. I was like "what the hell am I supposed to with this and what the hell is a tart pan?" There was no internet access, no Giada, and no iPhone apps to pull up a recipe on. My mom was convinced that without Taco Bell and Ramen Noodle that I might never survive. So, one of my dumbass friends came over and we were probably drinking wine out of a box when we decided, "hey, we're two stupid college kids, let's make lasagna." So, I called my mom and as I was only half paying attention to what she said (some things never change), me and dumbass headed to the store. After we got home and pretended like we knew what we were doing, my mom called about two hours later. "So, did you two idiots figure it out?" she asked. "Well, yes, but it took a long time to boil the noodles." I said. "What the hell are you talking about, it should've only taken 10 minutes for that shit to boil!" she exclaimed. Well, apparently, when I was only half listening, half writing it down and half helping dumbass straighten her hair to go to the freakin' grocery store, my mother said "...then you put in the noodles one at a time so you don't splash boiling water on you because I know you'll do that because you're an idiot." And yes, I'm pretty sure that's how she said it. So, the dumbass that I was, I boiled That's right - it took approximately two hours to boil all the noodles. Fucking idiot.


  1. This sounds like my husbands account of his father making spaghetti for the first time. He took scissors and cut them so they'd fit in the pot.

    Pasta - 2
    Humans - 0

  2. My once upon a time when I was cooking challenged: I called my mom the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and asked her how to cook a turkey. She asked, what size bird do you have. I told her I hadn't gotten it yet. She immediately gave me directions to call Boston Market.

    Haven't lived that one down yet....