Crazy Ass Crock Pot Adventure - Recipe 1

So, I got something up my butt and decided that I’m gonna use my crockpot for 5 days straight. We gots us a crazy week ahead and I gotta make sure my bears are fed. Someone…I won’t name who, but someone in my house turns into a cranky asshole if he doesn’t eat. Anyone else have one of those? So, join me on this stupid ass adventure. I’ll post the recipe the day before but, if you’re a weekly meal planner like myself, this week isn’t for you. I’m gonna sort of fly by the seat of my pants here.

Chicken Pie-ay-uh (at least that’s how I pronounce it)

Shit you’re gonna need:

4 chicken breast, cubed (I would rather punch a cat in the face than have to cut up slimy chicken, so I’ll probably make the hubs do this part)

2 tablespoons of olive oil

Half a horseshoe of sausage, sliced in ½ inch pieces (what the fuck? Let me explain, you know those smoke sausages that you buy near the bacon that look like a horseshoe? Buy one and cut it in half. That’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout)

1 onion, sliced (yeah, no chopping)

3 teaspoons of garlic, minced (yes, lazy ass, you can use jarred, but again, I fully believe in fresh minced garlic. Although I hate chopping that shit)

2 teaspoons of dried thyme

1 teaspoon pepper

¼ tsp. paprika (still don’t know what this shit is for)

1/8 tsp. of saffron (Go easy with this shit. This will tear your ass up…literally)

½ tsp. tumeric

14 ½ oz of chicken broth (I’ve made my own in the past, but I ain’t got time for that shit. So, I buy a big ass thing of it every week.)

½ cup of water

2 small tomatoes, diced (or one large ass one if you want)

2 yellow pepper, diced (fuck dicing. Hate it.)

1 cup of frozen peas

Rice (I make this right before I use it. You’re gonna pour the paella over it)

Shit you’re gonna do:

Brown up your chicken in the olive oil. Put your chicken, sausage and onion in the crock pot. Top with your garlic, paprika, thyme, pepper and saffron. Pour on your water and the broth. Cook on low for 7-9 hours or high for 4 ½ -6 hours.

Once your house smells fucking amazing, take off the lid, pour in the tomatoes, peppers and peas. Put the lid back on for about 15-20 minutes and then serve this shit over rice.

Not only will this shit taste good the first night, but leftovers are going to make you drop your pants. Trust me.