Sunday, July 14, 2013

Creamy Sanchez. Dirty's cousin. aka chorizo, cream cheese stuffed chicken

Creamy Sanchez.  Dirty's Cousin
(Chorizo, Cream cheese stuffed chicken)

Me: “Honey! Will you pull out some meat for dinner?”
Hubster: “Hehehe.”

He came to me with chicken breasts and chorizo.  Challenge accepted.  This shit was so good, it reminded me of my first orgasm.  Memorable.  And I had to do it myself.

Shit you’re gonna need:
Three chicken breasts (you think they’d sell this shit in packs of two. Just to be anatomically correct)
Five chorizo links (taking the casing off of these bastards is like removing a condom)
4 oz of cream cheese (softened)
garlic salt (if you don’t have this in your pantry, smack yourself. You’ve been an idiot for too long.)
3 tablespoons of dried cilantro (my mother thinks that cilantro tastes like soap and she is hell bent on telling everyone, every time that it’s an inherited trait. Well, along with not getting her distaste for cilantro, I didn’t get her long legs and perky breasts.)
‘bout half a cup of sour cream
 Maybe a shmidge of tabasco, white pepper, and cayenne (make up your own shit.)

Shit you’re gonna do:
There is nothing I love more than the smell of chorizo browning on the stovetop.  Well, maybe a few others things.  Like, dark chocolate, vodka, the smell of the library, a new bra, a good hair day, the smell of pumping gasoline…you get the picture.  But still, the smell of that shit cooking should be a new yankee candle flavor.  

Like I said before, when uncasing the chorizo, I swear it's like taking off a condom.  Shit is gross, but I must. press. on.  Brown up your chorizo, right up in the pan. Naked.  No olive oil, no salt, no pepper, nutin'.  It will create it's own oil and you're gonna need to save it.  After it's brown, don't wash the pan, don't mop up the juices, just leave the pan to the side.

See that sharp point on that spatula?  Yep.  That shit's gonna help you break up the chorizo, because it can get kind of chunky.  You don't want chunky.  You want ground round style.

After it's all browned up, you'll need to drain the meat.  It takes the excess oil off and make it easier for mixing with the cream cheese.  Trust me.  Also, if your meat is kind of chunky, still, you'll need to chop it up once the meat has been drained.  I had to do it.  Because I got distracted by a phone call to my husband reminding him to grab sour cream for my cilantro cream sauce and the fact that there were three Air Supply songs playing all in a row.

Once your meat is chopped, preheat your oven the 375, and add the meat to a bowl with your four ounces of cream cheese and mix.   It won't be easy.  It won't be pretty.  But fucking worth it.

Whoa.  Looks ugly as hell.  Don't judge.  This shit will attempt acrobatics in your mouth and you'll be thankful for the glory that your tongue will scream after it gets to taste such amazingness.

Now, let's be honest here.  I can't make a vagina pocket in chicken like my husband can (can't imagine why.)  So, I call him over to assign him this deed that I always fuck up.

Once you have your vagina pocket, stuff it with your chorizo cream cheese mixture.  I couldn't take a picture because, touching my camera with raw chicken hands is against my religion.

So, now you've stuffed your chicken.  Heat up that pan you used to brown your chorizo.  There's plenty of oil and flakes of fucking goodness that the chicken will get a beautiful, brown, flavorful color all over the breast. (insert comment about how beautiful Lauryn Hill is. Yes. I'm a big fan.)

I seared the chicken in this pan that also doubles as a pan for the oven, I got lucky.  But honestly, you can brown it in the pan you used for the chorizo and then use a 9x13 pan sprayed with Kitchen KY (non stick cooking spray) to bake in the oven.  But make sure you cover it with aluminum foil.

 Bake for 30 minutes, or until cooked thoroughly, aaaaaaaand done.

But of course, I had to take it a step further and topped it with the leftover chorizo mix.  Of course I did.

Now for the cilantro cream sauce.  Not gonna lie, I didn't take pictures.  I honestly just used the cilantro, sour cream, tabasco, white pepper, and cayenne to taste.  I just stirred it up and then put a dollop on the side of my plate.  Nothing fancy.  Just like the dress from my 8th grade dance.