Monday, June 28, 2010

Just Fucking Meatloaf

If you’ve seen the Lucille Balls recipe, you might notice a similarity. But ignore it. This isn’t your mother’s meatloaf. It’s not some dry, crusty ass meat shit on a plate just begging for ketchup. Forget what you know about meatloaf. Your life is about to change.

Shit you’re gonna need:

1 lb. of ground beef (go ahead chicken shits and use turkey if you don’t have balls)

Half an onion, diced

Small green pepper, or half a large, diced (I swear I’ll take a class on chopping shit, but again, I don’t think the hubs will be happy living with a redhead who knows how to properly dice shit.)

1 box of stove top stuffing (Use the cornbread, chicken or turkey flavor. It makes absolutely no fucking difference)

1 egg, beaten

1/3 cup of ranch dressing (Don’t use anything else but ranch. I tried it and it sucked a big piece of ass.)

Handful of shredded cheese (I used sharp cheddar. I highly recommend taking my suggestion. But if you’re fucking Daddy Warbucks, use gouda)

Shit you’re gonna do:

Preheat your oven to 350. Line a sheet pan with aluminum foil and spray with your Kitchen KY (aka, non-stick spray). You don’t want pieces of fucking aluminum foil sticking to your meatloaf when you eat it. That just can’t be good for your colon.

But mix together all your ingredients and mold this shit into a well…a loaf. I don’t use a loaf pan because that shit takes to long to cook. I think molding it yourself cooks more evenly. But who the fuck am I to tell you what to do. But what I WILL tell you to do is shape that shit by smacking that fat ass piece of meat to make sure there aren’t any cracks in it. Crack kills. Just thought you should know. Smooth it out and throw that shit in the oven for about 45-60 minutes until it’s done.

Now the sauce. I personally use ketchup, brown sugar and dry mustard. BUT, two of you smart asses out there had some great freakin’ suggestions, so here they are…

J.N. said “I like to use jalapenos, BBQ sauce, and cajun seasoning...yum”

L.S.E. suggested “Put Franks in the Ketchup Glaze! RAWKS!”

FYI, I put the sauce on about 20-30 minutes before it’s done and tonight I actually added Tabasco to mine. It wasn’t enough to put a hurtin’ on your colon or anything, but just enough to say “Hey, what the hell is in that?” Mission accomplished.


Before
After
With Sauce
Now go impress someone...

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