What a crock of cake

No, I’ve never made a cake in the crock pot. I’ve also never had a million dollars. Doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen. Just sayin’. So, I’m gonna buck up and try this. Wanna do it with me? I meant make the cake. (btw, I’m writing this while there’s 2 six year olds playing basketball in my house. My three year old is sleeping and my dog is barking like a fucking maniac because my neighbor is getting a roof put on and the stupid ass thinks that some fucker is knocking on the door every time a freakin’ nail is ejected from the nail gun. Dumb fuck.)

Shit you’re gonna need:

½ stick of butter (of course)

Enough brown sugar to cover the bottom of your crock pot (could be a cup, could be two cups, I don’t effing know yet)

1 large can of pineapple slices, drained, but reserve ½ cup of the juice. (you’re gonna add that delicious juice to the batter. Yummmmm)

1 box of yellow cake mix and the ingredients it takes to make the damn cake

Shit you’re gonna do:

Okay, I’ve never done this before, so just go with me on this one. Turn your crock pot on low, put in the butter and put the lid on. Now, stand there like a dumbass and watch the butter melt. Not sure how long it’ll take, but I’m sure it’s pretty close to watching paint dry. So, in the meantime, make up your cake batter but don’t forget to add your pineapple juice to it. Trust me, you’ll love it. If not, just forget I ever told you to do that. If you’re a bad ass, make your shit from scratch. But I ain’t got time for that shit. I’m waiting on UPS to deliver my Amazon.com order and update my facebook status.

Once your butter is melted, sprinkle around your brown sugar until the bottom of the pot is well coated…half inch maybe? Then lay down your slices of pineapple in one layer. But if you’re dealing with a small ass crock pot, go get your cheap ass a new big one from WalMart. But until you put on your pink fishnet stockings and head to Walmart to buy said pot, you’re more than welcome to layer those little bastards.

Now that those happy little slices are mingling with their brown sugar, spray the inside of the crock pot sides with non-stick spray. I don’t want you cussing me out because I’m the dumbass who forgot to tell you to spray that shit. Now, pour on your cake batter, put on your lid and let’s just see what happens. Will it take 4 hours? 3? 9? I guess we’ll find out. But keep that shit on low. Low and slow. We’ll know it’s done when you stick a toothpick in the middle of that shit and it comes out clean. Yessssssss.