You thought I was gone? Neva! (hello, its D2 - how do you do?)

Semi-Homemade Pasta

So I grew 7 new grays and lost 4 pounds while waiting for Delaina to write her mac-n-cheese recipe for our duel, so here I am to share a yummy-ass pasta recipe. Now I must first disclose that I make my “spaghetti” semi-homemade. What is spaghetti in quotes, you ask? Well a lot of people don’t know that just b/c its noodles and red sauce it doesn’t automatically make it spaghetti. Spaghetti is a type of noodle and it goes hand in hand with a certain type of red sauce to make a spaghetti meal. Each type of noodle has its own corresponding sauce. How do I know all this? Because fucking I attended Olive Garden University for my under-grad. Well not really because that nasty place doesn’t even join the correct noodle to the correct sauce. Just ask my dad, he’ll tell you ALL about it. Olive Garden is on his permanent shit list, along with Bob Evans and Things Remembered. But those are stories for another day. Let’s continue.

So, my grandmother was Italian. And not fake Italian like the kids from Jersey Shore, she was really from Italy. Her name was Angelina and she made the meanest fucking marina this side of the pond. Delaina can I get a what, what? See Delaina and I used to spend Spring Breaks and summer vacations at Mama Nina’s house getting fattened up (more me than Delaina of course) and painting ceramics. Ok, where was I? Oh right, if my grandmother knew that I was combining homemade ingredients with a jar of pasta sauce from the store – she’d smack me from the grave. RIP Mama Nina – miss you.

Ok, so I have to 1st tell you that I don’t just use any pasta sauce from the store. Like Ragu or Prego? YUCK. Now, if you like these sauces – that is your business and I’m ok with it. You get whatever sauce works for your family and your budget. I use a really yummy sauce that my father introduced me to called Raos. Now, don’t shit your pants, but the shit costs like $8-10 a jar (depending on the grocery store). I know that’s a lot. But it’s fucking delicious. It is SO similar to the sauce that my grandmother made, I have to get. I will tell you that you can take this sauce and dump it on some noodles and call it a day and you will not be disappointed. It doesn’t taste a thing like Ragu or Prego or Mario Battali’s nasty ass sauce in a jar. Shit is good, I ain’t lying. Now, if you have kids that are picky eaters, this may not be the sauce for you because it has things like fresh basil in it. I’m lucky (or just a drill sergeant) and my kids are not picky. They eat what the fuck I put in front of them or they go hungry – but that’s just me.

Shit you’re gonna need:
1 jar of Raos marina sauce. (or some other shit you and your family like)

Diced yellow and red onions. Now before you go thinking I’m all non-lazy – I’m not. They sell them diced at my local grocery store in containers for 2 for $4. Shit is great. Use as much or as little as you like. I probably use the equivalent to ½ a small onion of each.

1 medium squash, 1 medium zucchini – diced into small cubes to hide them from children. Now, if you don’t like these vegetables – don’t use them. It’s that simple. I’m just trying to get some more veggies in my family’s diet. Sometimes I put some little tiny carrots in this shit too.

½ cup of balsamic vinegar. Stay with me now, give it a chance.

1 pound ground turkey or ground beef.

Pasta of your choice. I used Penne when I made this last night because I bought a fucking case of 72 at Costco along with my helicopter seat.

Splash of EVOO. If you don’t know what that is – google it.

* ½ cup of chicken broth - optional

Shit you’re gonna do:
In a big ass pan (like one that can fit all these ingredients minus the pasta) add your EVOO and onions and cook until translucent. Add some salt and peppa and whatever other spices u like to add in (like garlic salt or fresh garlic, whatever). Once these little monkeys are cooked up, add in your balsamic vinegar and let that simmer in medium heat for a little while. Throw in your other various vegetables. Cook all that up until your veggies are done, you’ll know when you see it. Now throw in your ground meat. Cook that up too. Oh, put your pasta in boiling water at some point too. My husband is a big fan of al dente – so I don’t cook my penne for more than 12 minutes. Did you know that penne in Spanish means dick? Lol.

Now after your meat is cooked and in there with your veggies, crack open your gold in sauce form and throw that shit in there. Stir it up so it’s all blended. Now here’s the chance to add in some chicken broth to thin out your sauce a little. I don’t like thick sauce, but you you might so you make the call.

Ok, so we’re ready to throw all that shit in with the cooked pasta. I typically drain my noodles and then stick them back in the pot with some salt and pepper and a little EVOO, then I put my sauce in. You should do this, it makes it more gooder.

Enjoy!

Ps – I didn’t take pics while I was cooking, but I gots me some leftovers for lunch today. Shit is mouth-watering – is it lunchtime yet?