Friday, January 22, 2010

Yo Yo Yo Mofo's! Guest blogger today! (D2)

Say hello to my leetle friend...welcome "Dani the love fanny" ya'll. (She'll shit when she reads that. HA!) Anyhoo, this recipe is written by my kick ass friend Danielle. We've been friends for 24 years and when my mom wouldn't let me shave my legs at thirteen, this is what she said "Fuck it, we're shaving your legs." And THAT is when I fell in love with her. So, I'll hand it over now...tear it up girl!

Healthy/fattening Pasta, Bitches

So, I decided to get a buzz and contribute one of my most amazing recipes here on this lil lady's blog. See, me and her have been friends a long time so I'm privileged. Only because we go way back like Cadillac seats. Don't hate. She's mine and you're lucky I share her with you. Okay, anyways, the recipe I'm about to share with you is truly an original. It took me months of testing and slight modifications to perfect it. I took samples of it around the globe to be taste-tested so that the dish would the epitome of deliciousness. Eh, who am I kidding? I got this shit from the back of a Barilla pasta box, no shit. It's the perfect combination of a little bit healthy and a little bit fattening - enough to add just a tiny bit of cheese to those thighs. Not my thighs of course, just yours.

Let me stop for a moment and let you know that this recipe includes heavy cream and white wine. Rejoice. Ok, carry on.

Shit you'll need:

A pound of chicken breasts, cubed and cooked. Sometimes when I'm lazy I buy the already cooked grilled chicken from Costco and use that instead of cutting up slimy chicken breasts.

Box of pasta. Any kind will do really, except any kind that you need to twirl. So, I typically use penne or the bowtie kind. When I use the bowtie kind, I pretend they're tiny little men in tuxedos who want me and I get to eat them. Did I say that out loud?

A 6oz. bag of fresh spinach. Don't get lazy on me people, don't buy frozen. but mostly because I don't know how this shit will turn out with the frozen kind. So get the fresh, k? thanks.

Bottle of white wine. A 1/2 cup for the recipe; the rest for you. Drink a bottle of wine during and after this dinner and then let your husband do something new to you. You won't regret it in the morning, I promise. Oh, and tell your husband I said "you're welcome".

A cup or more of heavy cream .

Some olive oil or cooking spray.

Shit you're gonna do:

Get a pan that can fit all this shit in it. Don't ask me the size, I use this kick-ass big pan of mine and I'm sure you have one too. Figure it out. Spray the pan with cooking spray or use some EVOO to juice it up and stick in your chicken. If you're using precooked chicken, just heat it up. If you're gonna actually cook your chicken, then get to cooking already and stop asking questions. Oh, throw some salt on that shit and maybe some pepper. Even a little garlic powder if you're feeling risky. If you use fresh garlic, an extra point for you. But not really sucka - powder works too. Once that's done, pour about a half cup of wine in that shit. Then drink a glass and get a nice buzz. You back? Ok, next step. Let the wine cook with the chicken on medium heat for a few minutes. Then open the bag of fresh spinach and pile that shit in there. If the bag says "prewashed 3 times" believe them and don't waste your time washing this shit again. You have better things to do like pour yourself another glass of wine. Then take your heavy cream and pour it over the top of the spinach. Oh yeah, put your pasta on to cook too, forgot about that shit. So let this sit for a while until your spinach wilts down. It will become almost nothing. This will be the only time today that you're cool with something wilting. But I digress. Don't get the cream too hot or it will curdle knucklehead. Use common sense, ok? So, mix that shit up for awhile and cook it on a low/medium heat. Unfortunately, the alcohol will evaporate over time. I don't know why this happens, but I will apologize for it. Finish cooking the pasta and then toss that shit together.

Now, if you make this for guests you can call it something fancy pants like "Fresh Spinach Chicken Pasta in a White Wine Cream Sauce". No one will ever know how effing easy it was and that you got wasted making it. That is unless you're a sloppy drunk. Get it together. Enjoy!

(Thank you Danielle *hiccup*, that was *hiccup*, great. Now, what did I do with that glass of wine? Oh, *hiccup*, I drank it.)

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