Now, I know D2 and I have had our mac and cheese duel. But that’s a lot of fucking work. The mac and cheese I’m about to honor you with is the bullshit I use for everyday use. Minus the baking time, it takes the same amount of time to make this homemade mac and cheese as it does that shit from a box with powdered cheese. I can’t bring myself to eat powdered cheese. It goes against everything I believe in. But I believe that you can eat a cracker off my kitchen floor even without the five second rule, so use your best judgment here.
Shit you’re gonna need:
8 oz of elbow macaroni (it’s half a box genius)
4 tablespoons of butter (if you’ve been reading this blog awhile, you’ve probably already bought this shit in bulk now)
4 tablespoons of flour
2 cups of milk (I’ll be honest…I sneak in about ¼ cup of whipping cream as well, but I honestly don’t know if it actually does any good. I just like to pack in as many calories as I can in every dish I make. It’s something my grandmother would be proud of…considering she taught me how much Kahlua I should put in coffee.)
2 cups of shredded cheese (Use your favorite or use the shit in the fridge that’s about to mold)
Salt to taste (again, I use sea salt. Only because Martha does.)
Pepper to taste (If someone in your family gets their panties in a wad about the little black flakes of pepper in the mac and cheese, use white pepper)
Ground cayenne pepper (Now don’t shit yourself here. I seriously use like, the tiniest amount of this. I mean like the littlest pinch ever. Go easy with this shit.)
¼ teaspoon of garlic salt (I’m assuming that’s how much I use. I actually just do it to taste, but you do what gives you a hiney tingle.)
Half a sleeve of Ritz Crackers (I use generic. Because I’m a cheap ass.)
Shit you’re gonna do:
Preheat your oven to 350. You don’t actually have to bake this, but it’s just something I’ve been taught to do and I always do what I’m told. Hahahahahahaha. I’m sorry, that made me laugh. I actually never do what I’m told. You can ask my mother and the hubs about that one. But I digress…
Boil your noodles, which will take about 10 min. While those little boogers are boiling, let’s make our cheese sauce. Now, the start to a cheese sauce is something called a “rogue” which is pronounced “rue”. It’s some French bullshit. It’s actually the only French I know, except for kissing and I even took a semester of French in high school. The only reason I signed up for the damn class was because someone idiot I had a crush on took it. I was such an idiot. Needless to say, I didn’t learn shit and I didn’t get the guy. Go figure. But anyhoo…while your shit is boiling, in another saucepan (big enough to hold the cheese and noodles once they’re done), melt your butter. Once it’s melted, add your flour. Now use a whisk to stir this around. You just want to get the floury shitty taste out, so it’ll only take a minute or so. Then slowly add your milk. I add it about a ½ cup at a time and keep stirring. Once all your milk is in and you decided that your panties were itchin’ for the ¼ cup of whipping cream, add it now. Then dump your cheese in and then add your seasonings to taste. Your noodles should be done by now, so drain those bastards and then add to your cheese sauce.
If you’ve decided that you’re a fucking bad ass and you don’t want to bake your mac and cheese…don’t bother reading the next paragraph.
Stir these bitches and pour into a Kitchen KY sprayed 9x13 pan. Take the half sleeve of crackers, break that shit with your hand and pour it over the macaroni. You don’t need to get all fancy and put the shit in a Ziploc bag and crumble. You don’t even need to dirty another damn dish to add melted butter. This is supposed to be easy, so go with me on this one. Once you’ve got your crackers evenly sprinkled, throw that shit in the oven or 15-20 minutes. Btw, if you live near a Publix and you’ve had their mac and cheese…this is the same shit. Trust me.
Love this!!!
ReplyDelete