Banana Pudding and Shit (literally, kinda) (D2)

D2 here, not D1 --- I’m here with a competitive banana dessert recipe. Word to yo motha.

So I have this righteous banana pudding recipe that I borrowed from an old coworker. Its pretty fucking delish. I sincerely hope that my ex-husband does not read this blog, because I’m about to call him out.
So my coworker brought this pudding of wonder to a party we had at our house once and my ex-husband tore.that.shit.up. Then he tore up the leftovers before work the next day and shat himself at work. That’s right, you read correctly. He called me from the bathroom to tell me that he had to throw away his underwear because he didn’t get to the bathroom in time. This is way funnier if you know him. So, if you ever want to judge how good something is, find out of someone ever shit themselves over it - then your answer is yes.

Shit you’re gonna need:
3/4 cup sugar (the regular shit)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup flour
3 cups milk, use whole here people
3 large egg yolks (use that trick D1 taught you in the previous post)
3 tablespoons butter, make sure that its soft so leave it out or microwave it -- up to you.
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 packs of chestman cookies (that’s right the pepperidge farm ones - you’ll see)
3 to 4 bananas, (make sure they’re ripe but don’t overdo it)
sweetened whipped cream or whipped topping (or make the homemade shit, I ain’t got time for all that)
banana slices for “garnish” - what a gay word

Shit you’re gonna do:

In a bowl, mix up the sugar, salt, and flour; and make sure you blend that shit. Now, slowly stir in milk until smooth, like an operator. Pour into the top of a double boiler over simmering water -- do u fuckers know what that is? It means take a big pot and put some water in the bottom of it, then put a smaller pot in it so that that one is getting hot by the water boiling up underneath it. Let it cook, and whisk it up often - as in a lot. That shit will thicken, you’ll see.

In a small bowl, whisk the egg yolks; and then gradually whisk in about 1 cup of the slightly thickened hot milk mixture shit - stay with me people you can do this! Return egg mixture to the double boiler, then throw in the vanilla and butter (god I love butter), and continue whisking until your arm falls off. Its gonna keep cooking until its nice and thick. Take that shit off the heat and stick it on the counter and let it cool off.

In a 2-quart dish (or whatever u want to use), make a layer of chestman cookies, then sliced banana. Spoon some of the pudding shiz over the banana layer then layer more chestman cookies and banana slices, topping with more pudding - you get the picture. Pretend like this is a banana lasagna bitches. Then when you’re done, smooth some whipped cream on there.

If you wanna be fancy (or gay), stick some little bananers on the top for garnish - it works with or without it.


Eat it ‘til you shit your pants!