Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Sawlz-ber-ee Steyk

The hubs challenged me to what he calls “The Hungry Man” challenge. He likes those disgusting, preservative filled pieces of shit on a plastic microwavable plate called Hungry Man that you find in your local grocer’s freezer. Shit’s fucking gross. BUT, he said he misses them and he wants Salisbury Steak. Insert dinner challenge here.

The hubs is known for challenging me on certain meals that make his mouth water. He challenged me with Chicken Parmesan and I worked that bitch. He challenged me to Enchiladas and I tore that shit up. And tonight, Salisbury Steak…and I fucking delivered. Bring it mother fucker. Ain't no need to poke holes in no fucking cellophane here!

Shit you’re gonna need:

1 onion (I used a small one, because I was only giving onions to the hubs. If you’re feeding more onions to more people, use a large onion and also serve after dinner breath mints. But that’s just a suggestion.)

1 (10 oz.) can of condensed French onion soup

1 pound of ground beef (If you’re fucking daddy warbucks, feel free to buy ground sirloin. I found it unnecessary as I was loading this shit with flavor, so I didn’t bother. I just used Ground round…whatever the fuck THAT is.)

½ cup of breadcrumbs (I used flavored ones. Use what you have. Don’t get your panties in a wad about it.)

1 egg

¼ teaspoon of salt (Just regular table salt)

1/8 teaspoon of ground pepper (Honestly, I didn’t measure the salt or pepper. I just eye balled the shit because I was one Vodka down and about to pop open my second.)

1 tablespoon of flour (this is to thicken the sauce up)

¼ cup of ketchup

¼ cup of water

1 tablespoon of Worcesteshire (Without watching Shrek the Third, I would have no idea how to pronounce that. So, thank you Mike Meyers.)

½ teaspoon of dry mustard

Shit you’re gonna do:

Okay, so you don’t HAVE to sauté the onion if you don’t want to. I was just trying to up my game to the hubs. And he loves onions. So, if you’re gonna add the onion, just sauté it up in a little bit of olive oil and make ‘em sweat. I also added a little dash of sugar at the end just to let ‘em carmelize. And because I’m sweet like that. Be jealous.

And while the onions were cooking, I mixed up my meat concoction. (meat…cock…BAH! How in the world does my husband deal with me, eh?) Mix together 1/3 of the can of soup, your meat, the bread crumbs and the salt and pepper. The onions should be done by now, so take those out and slap your husbands hand as he reaches in for a taste. And then wait for him to slap your ass…or wait…maybe that’s just me. Make six patties out of your meat and brown those on both sides. While those little meat patties are cooking, mix your sauce. Stir the rest of the soup, the flour, ketchup, water, the Worcestershire and dry mustard in a separate bowl. Then if your meat is all greasy and shit, drain it out. You don’t want your sauce greasy. It’s bad enough when you cook with bacon grease. Or wait…again…that’s just me. Once it’s drained, pour your sauce over the patties, cover, put it on a heavy simmer and cook for about 15-20 minutes. Mine took 15, just so you know.

I sided this bad ass mother effer with homemade mashed potatoes and carrots. I chose carrots because the hubs said he saw someone the other day eating a carrot and he wanted one. So, that’s why I chose those disgusting little fuckers. I hate carrots. Unless they’re in a cake. Word to your mutha.

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