Saturday, May 22, 2010

Breakfast Burritos (version 1.0)

Now, let me get something straight. I really do like getting up, making breakfast for everyone, making coffee, making lunches and getting everyone’s happy ass out the door. Because after the door closes, I plop my happy ass on the couch and sip a very strong cup of coffee. I like my coffee like I like my NBA players. Tall, black and strong. But I like my eggs soft, fluffy and hot. Just like Kevin James. (I’ve gotta a little “thing” for him). But I digress. Let’s make some mother fucking breakfast, shall we?

Shit you’re gonna need:

Tbsp of butta

2 eggs

1 tbsp of whipping cream (if you’re stuffing more than just your very own pie hole and you want to make more eggs, do the freakin’ math on the cream. 1 tbsp of cream with 2 eggs and so forth. It’s rocket science math you’re dealing with but I trust you can do it)

¼ cup of diced onion

¼ cup of diced green pepper (holy macaroni these fuckers are expensive. Who’s with me?)

Salt (again, I use Sea Salt. Why? Cuz Martha does.)


2 tortilla wraps

Sliced cheese

Shit you’re gonna do:

Heat up a small saucepan and melt your butter. (That sentence should actually be the intro to every freakin’ recipe I write.) While that’s melting, beat together your eggs and whipping cream. (I giggle that the word “beat” and “cream” are in the same sentence. Why yes, I AM that kind of girl). Let’s carry on…so into the melted butta, add your onion and green pepper and get those puppies cookin’. I cook ‘em for about a minute or two so they soak up the very healthy and very good for you butter in the pan. Add your eggs, salt and pepper. Now, let me stress that eggs are not made to be fast. Take your time. They like to be heated up slowly, and not touched a whole lot. Kinda like the first time you…nevermind. But just pull the eggs from the side of the pan into the middle. You don’t need to do much ‘cause the cream is doing all the work. (omg, I cracked myself up with that one). You’ll know when they’re done. You like ‘em runny, do it. You like ‘em dry, do it. (Seriously, this egg recipe is cracking my ass UP!) But can I make one suggestion here? Tabasco sauce. It’ll change your life people. I’m not sayin’ douse ‘em in this shit. I’m just sayin’ it adds that little something extra. Kinda like when you end up on a flight where you’re pissed because you know you have a middle seat but come to find out to your right is a hot gymnast and to your left is an army man dressed in uniform smelling good. Now I’m not saying that’s actually happened. I’m just sayin it would be nice. Just like a hint of Tabasco. Just a suggestion.

But what I do in the morning for the hubs is I heat up one of those really good for you sausage patties from the freezer, dice it and put in a wrap with cheese and the eggs. I roll ‘em doobie tight in aluminum foil and place those fuckers right next to his coffee, his keys, his wallet (after I take $20) and his phone. I do this all because I probably went over my grocery budget because white wine was on sale and I just HAD to buy more manchego. I’ll serve him the breakfast above and I’ll show him dessert when he gets home. No complaints my friends. Guaranteed.


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