My Effing Cookbook: BACON and scallops

Scallops. Fucking gross. Well, that’s what I used to say. Actually, when offered I would say “Um. No thanks; it’s a ‘texture’ thing. You understand? Yes?” I was such an asshole. I’d never even tried one. Until I met the Hubster. He took me to dinner one night when we were first dating and he ordered mussels and scallops as an appetizer. Omg. I almost died. Mussels looked like the skin flab of raw chicken and the scallops, omg. What was I gonna do? Well, I wanted to get laid, so I popped those fuckers in my pie hole and took a chance (and omg, my dad just read that.) And guess what my bitches? I LOVED ‘em. I mean, I think I ordered a meal with them in it. So. Freaking. Good. And the rest is history.

So, the Hubster and I decided to grill our own and here’s the story (cue dramatic music here.)

Shit you’re gonna need:

1 lb. of Scallops (We used the ones that are in the frozen food section that you thaw out in the bag. But don’t be shaking a judgmental finger at me; I don’t judge you when you use turkey meat instead of ground round because your balls haven’t dropped yet, so get over it.)

½ pound of bacon (We used the thick, center cut bacon. I think the other shit just falls apart too easily. And let’s just be honest here, ladies – thicker is better. Always. Can I get an amen?)

Soy sauce (You can see below that we used the low sodium stuff. It wasn’t by choice; I guess I just picked the wrong bottle when I bought it. I’m not necessarily concerned about my sodium intake. What I SHOULD be concerned with is the size of my liver. But moving on…)

Toothpicks (You could also use a skewer and get about four or five on and make it easier to turn them on the grill. But of course we didn’t think about that until AFTERwards. Ain’t THAT some shit. But, if you do end up using skewers and they’re the wooden/bamboo, make sure you soak them in water for about an hour before you use them.)

Shit you’re gonna do:

You’ll need to cut the bacon lengthwise because the bacon is too wide for height of the scallop. So, you’ll be able to use one piece of bacon for two scallops. Make sense? Gawd, I hope so.

Once the bacon is cut, you’ll just wrap the bacon around the scallop and secure with a toothpick. Or if you’re a bad ass and using the skewer, slide about four or five of those bitches on.

Put them all in a dish that and cover with the soy sauce until they're about covered about half way up.

Sprinkle with pepper on both sides. You don't need salt because the soy sauce and bacon have puh-lenty of salt in them.

Let these bad boys marinade for about 10-15 minutes while you go preheat your grill. "The soy sauce penetrates quickly." says the Hubster. Nice, honey. Nice.

"Honey? How long did you grill these for?" "I don't know. Look at the pictures. When they look like THAT and they're firm to the touch, they're done." ('bout 2 to 3 minutes per side)