Tuesday, November 19, 2013


God Bless America.  I love pumpkin flavored anything.  Which is COMPLETELY opposite of Danielle (D2) - she hates pumpkin...and cinnamon...and birds...and assholes.  But me?  I'm the Bubba Gump of the pumpkin world.  Pumpkin bread, pumpkin soup, pumpkin french toast, pumpkin spice latte, pumpkin fluff dip...you get the picture.  So, when I came across pumpkin spice marshmallows, you bet your ass I rushed home to make rice krispy treats with them.  Hooooooooly shit.  Winner!  Those little bastards got devoured in less time than it takes for a hooker to notice a Mercedes on her block.

Shit you're gonna need:
1 bag of pumpkin spicemallows (spicemallows...ha!  Nice marketing there, Kraft)
3 tablespoons of butter (and extra...you'll see why - keep your BVD's on.)
5 cups of Rice Krisipies, or Crispy Rice, or whatever resembles a snap, crackle, pop
Kitchen KY (non stick cooking spray)
9x9 pan (If you want thicker treats, use an 8x8 pan.  I don't like to use 9x13 because they come out too thin.  Thin is never good.  Can I get an amen, ladies?)

Shit you're gonna do:
Melt your three tablespoons of butter in a large saucepan over medium heat.  A pan big enough that you'd probably make chili in.  Not gigantic, but roomy.  Once they're allllllllmost completely melted, add in your pumpkin mallows.  Please, ya'll, don't eat any.  I know it's tempting, but it really will fuck up your measurements.  We like to GET fucked up - not fuck things up.

Once your mallows and butter are melted together, remove your pan from the heat and stir in your rice krispies.  Here's a little tricky poo that I like to do when I'm stirring these...I like to spray both sides of the spatula with a little kitchen ky to keep things from sticking.  If you've ever made these before, you know that once that spatula hits the mallows and the rice krispies it makes one big clump while you're trying to stir.  No bueno.

Spray down the pan that you'll be using so they're easier to get out once they cool.  Trust me on this one - AND it makes it easier to clean.  Unless you're like me where you're all "Oh, I'll just leave these to soak overnight." which means "I'm a lazy asshole and don't feel like washing dishes."

Now that your pan is sprayed down and your mix is all stirred and combined, dump the mix into the pan.  Here's another trick up my sleeve.  It's pretty fucking hard to get the treats flat and tightly pressed using your hands, yes?  So, I take the back of a large spoon and rub it in butter and then use that to press down the rice krispies into the pan.  You'll have to keep going back for more butter - but more butter never hurt anyone, right?  Right.  Also, that butter will melt down into your treats for a little added flavor.  Leave it to me to find a way to put more butter into something.

This is before I use the spoon...

And this is after.  See?  Nice and flat and even.  Bravo!

Now, let them cool, cut one out for your husband and THEN ask for a new pair of Tory Burch ballet flats.  He won't say no.

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