Saturday, August 10, 2013

The Safe Way to Cook Bacon...Naked.

Have you ever had bacon grease splatter on a nipple?  Not. Cool.  The way I cook bacon is not only most effective when you're cooking it sans clothing, but because it's not so fucking messy.  Friggin' grease splatters everywhere when you cook it on the stovetop.  And those "grease splatter screens" are a crock of shit - they don't work.  And the grease isn't just in one spot.  It's every. fucking. where; it's a pain in the ass to clean up.  So.  I cook mine in the oven.  It comes out absolutely perfect.  every. fucking. time.  Which is why you can cook it naked.  No splatters = nipples not burnt.  Unless you're into that sort of thing.  If you are...I don't wanna know.

Shit you're gonna need:

Bacon (the below picture is my absolute favorite to use. Do NOT use cheap bacon.  It's thin and flimsy...just like an ex-boyfriend.  And if you try to cook cheap bacon in the oven, it'll make you wanna jump off the roof of a tall building.  It doesn't peel away from each other easily, it burns in some spots, it's fatty, and it's just...ugh. And honestly, I prefer thicker meat, just sayin'.)
Baking sheet
Aluminum Foil (for easy clean up)
Kitchen KY (non stick cooking spray)

Shit you're gonna do:

Preheat your oven to 375.  Line your pan with aluminum foil which again, makes for an extremely easy clean up process.  Yet again, another reason to cook bacon in the oven.  Then spray down your foil with kitchen ky because even though this produces a shit ton of grease, it still tends to stick.

The total baking time is 22 min.  I set the timer for 10 minutes and then turn it 180 degrees and cook for 12 more minutes.  Remove from oven and put it on a paper towel lined plate to soak up any grease.  I've got this shit down to a science.

And then...

It looks like this...

PERFECT!  Right?!

Add steak and eggs and voila.

Perfect bacon.  And you can cook it naked.  It's a two-fer.

(Please excuse the picture of over cooked steak.  It was leftovers from last night and when I heated it up - it obviously cooked more. ugh.)

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