Fish in a bag, baby! ~submitted by Patty

(My own half-assed “recipe” for lack of a better term.  Calling it “throw some shit together and hope for the best” would also be a good term)

The first time I had this was at an over-priced and overly-decorated (yah mon) restaurant, and I fell in complete lust with it, and proceeded to jones for it for months.  Turns out that the restaurant doesn’t even make it anymore, so I had to figure that shit out for myself. 

A couple of nice things about making it at home are a) eating in my PJ’s (or Bra and Panties* when the kids are at their Dad’s), and b) finishing off the rest of the bottle that didn’t go in the recipe. 

*Note – Never EVER cook nude.  Bad things happen.

Shit you’re gonna need –

Couple of Filets of Fish (one per person – or more, I suppose, if you’re hungry)

A Lemon

Clove of Garlic

Olive Oil

Fresh Dill

White Wine (dryer the better)

Salt and Pepper

Parchment Paper (Not waxed – No “essence of crayola” here, ew)

Shit you’re gonna do

Set your oven to 350.  While it’s getting hot, bust out your favorite zesting tool. I use a Microplane grater, but maybe you’re lucky enough to have a fancy-pants Zester.  Strip the whole lemon (insert your favorite porn music here), and set the poor naked fruit aside.  Take your clove of garlic and slice it up really thin.  If you really like garlic, please feel free to use more than one clove.  Snag a couple sprigs of the fresh dill and strip off the leaves(?).  Note how careful I am with my measurements.

Get out a regular sized baking sheet (one with raised sides preferably, to catch any leakage) and pull a large enough sheet of parchment to fold in half and still fit the width of the pan. Lube up one half of the paper with the Olive Oil (doesn’t have to be extra virgin or anything. Hell, it doesn’t even have to be olive oil, I guess…just lube it up with something.)  Take your sliced Garlic and lay it out in the oil.

Fish time!!!  I used Tilapia for this because, well…Lots of reasons really.  First…shit’s cheap.  Second, screw Tuna being chicken of the sea – Tuna is always gonna taste like Tuna, Tilapia is going to taste like whatever you cook it in, just like chicken. I say the “Chicken of the Sea” Crown should go to Tilapia! Regimental overthrow!!!!!  But honestly, you can pretty much use any fish you want.  The Rasta Restaurant used Mahi-Mahi which is also delicious, nice and firm and meaty (just the way I like it, yeah), but it’s also more expensive. 

Anyway, fish…yes, let’s get back to the fish.  Salt and pepper one side, and then lay it on the parchment, overlapping is fine, but I’d stick the skinny sides on top of each other so it cooks evenly. Make sure that you leave a good amount of paper on the loose sides; you’re gonna need it.

Time to dress the fish!  Take your lemon zest and your dill and sprinkle them as evenly as you can over the filets. Next, roll your discarded (and probably needy) lemon on the counter a couple of times to soften it up, cut it in half, and squeeze it right over the fish (if you squeeze it cut side up – no seeds).  Then take your $10.99 bottle of Chardonnay, pour yourself a glass, and then pour a little of it over your fish, too.

Now for the hard part. As carefully as you can, fold up the sides of the parchment making it into a sealed “bag.”  Start with one side and kind of make little crimping folds all the way around until it’s completely closed.  Make sure that there aren’t any gaps for the steam to escape while it’s cooking.  If you happen to have a stapler at home, staple that bitch shut. 

Stick the pan in the oven and bake it for about 20 minutes.

Open it carefully, because it’s gonna be steamy. Serve it with whatever you wanna serve it with.  I had mine with Brown Rice (cooked in vegetable broth and recaito) and Green Beans.

Now, this is how I made it…this time.  The time before this, I used a couple of different herbs.  You could throw some vegetables in the bag too if you want; tomatoes, zucchini, or asparagus maybe.  Whatever Creams your Twinkie. Proceed to drink the rest of the bottle of wine.  You can even share the bottle if you like.  I, however, did not.