Faking It.

This is the ONLY time you will ever hear of me faking it.  Just sayin'.

It rained so muthertruckin much this week, that I swear I fucking floated to work.  Which leads me to believe that I apparently missed the memo from God where I was supposed to build an ark.  So me and the kids were locked in the house today which meant I had to get creative.  Aka, go on pinterest for three hours and claim that “mommy is working”.

Here’s the original link because gotta give credit where credit is due.  I changed some stufft up because for some reason, no matter how much shit is in this house to cook with, I never have what I need.  Son of a bitch.

http://userealbutter.com/2010/08/12/single-ingredient-ice-cream-recipe/

Shit you’re gonna need:

3 bananas (Use the spotted, five day old ones if you have them.  I didn’t because I just bought these yesterday.  I could’ve used the whole bunch of five that I had on hand but heaven forbid my kids wake up in the morning and don’t have a fucking banana.

1 ½ heaping tablespoons of peanut butter (the original recipe called for “natural”.  Fuck that.  I’ll buy natural peanut butter the day we find out what Lady Gaga’s natural hair color is.)

2 tablespoons of hot cocoa mix (again, the original recipe called for dutch processed cocoa powerd.  Use it if ya got it.  I don’t.  Call me crazy, but I have no fucking clue what “dutch processed” means.  I actually imagine little tiny men who live in windmills wearing wooden shoes processing the cocoa.)

½ cup of chocolate chips (the original didn’t call for chocolate chips, this was actually my eight year olds idea.  Smart kid.  I guess I won’t sell him the gypsies after all.)

(I know this is only two bananas, but I swear on Trump's toupee that I used three)

Shit you’re gonna do:

Slice the bananas into a bowl or on a plate and stick in the freezer for about an hour.  When they’re done, you’re gonna pull out your beast of a food processor and dust that bitch off.    Fun.

Pulse the bananas until they look like little beads of banana.

Keep pulsing until it’s creamy, hehe.

Then add your peanut butter and your hot cocoa.  Honestly, the cocoa didn’t make that much of a difference but we decided after that fact that a tablespoon of nutella would’ve been amazing with this.  Too bad we polished off our tub of it at breakfast this morning.  Don’t judge.

Once that’s all pulsed together and nice and smooth, stir in the chocolate chips, pour in a bowl and stick in the freezer for about another hour or two.

This is about as healthy as ice cream is ever gonna get, my friends.  My kids are completely convinced that this is the real deal.  They’re now adding shit like sprinkles, and gummy worms to their bowl.  I don’t mind; my second vodka tonic just kicked in.