Monday, November 29, 2010

Tramp Scampi

Tramp, because I used frozen, pre-cooked shrimp which is easy. Like a tramp. Scampi, because well, it’s scampi. Brilliant.

This was so fucking easy. It’s baked so you’re not standing over the stove with one hand stirring the shit while the other is holding your wine. You now have both hands free to keep filling your glass. You’re welcome.

Shit you’re gonna need:

16 oz. of frozen pre-cooked shrimp that’s been thawed (I’ll say it again, thaw the little bitches first. My shit was also sale for $4. Holla!)

½ cup of butter (it’s a full stick there genius)

2 tbs of Dijon mustard (I used generic because I’m still a redneck at heart and I refuse to pay full price for Grey Poupon. And what kind of name is Grey fucking Poupon. Shitty marketing department if you ask me.)

1 tbs. of lemon juice (I used the shit that’s in that little squeezy bottle that looks like a lemon. I don’t keep fresh lemons on hand. Only limes…and I think you can figure out why.)

2 cloves of crushed garlic (I used the jarred kind because I wanted my little crushes to be symmetrically perfect. Can’t get that when you’re chopping the shit yourself and you’ve had a glass of wine. Don’t ask how many times I’ve tried. It’s embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as having your son’s baseball coach seeing you in your robe with wet hair while you run out to the driveway with Tupperware in your hand yelling at your husband who’s pulling out of the driveway that he left his lunch. The guy actually waved. Ugh.)

1 tbs of parsley (Yup. I used dried. And dried is fine. You’re not on fucking Iron Chef, so calm yourself there Morimoto.)

½ tbs of Old Bay (ahhhh, good ‘ol Old Bay. Fucking genius came up with that shit. Or maybe it was Jesus. Because it’s that fucking perfect.)

Shit you’re gonna do:

Preheat your oven to 450. Imma throw a tidbit in here for ya’…I put my scampi over spaghetti noodles, so if you’d like to do that, start boiling your water now and get those noodles cookin’.

Use your Kitchen KY (aka, non stick cooking spray) and spray down a 9x13 pan. Put in your shrimp and slide those bitches over cuz we ‘bout to make the sauce.

Melt in a saucepan your butter, your Dijon, the lemon juice, garlic, parsley and old bay. Basically all your shit except the shrimp. Once it’s melted, pour it over your shrimp and since the shrimp is already cooked, just bake it for about 10 minutes so it doesn’t get tough. You’re just heating it up. Then put your shrimp on your noodles, pour some of the sauce on it and voila mother fucker – you’re done!!! (insert sound of our wine glasses clinking together) Cheers!

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