Thursday, November 18, 2010

My kids won't eat shit. Part Quatro

Chicken, Brocolli, Cheese and Rice

The hubs caught the cold I had. Oooooops. That's what happens when you make out with someone. Thought I’d share.

So, with this cold, he requested chicken and rice. But I thought, “…that’s fucking boring.” Kinda like watching the Suite Life of Zak and Cody. Fucking dumbass show. Those twins should’ve stopped at Big Daddy. But anyhoo…

Shit you’re gonna need:

3 cooked and shredded chicken breasts. (I like breasts. Double meaning there.)

¾ of a bag of frozen broccoli, cooked and put aside

2 cups of cooked rice. I mean, I used 2 cups of rice and then cooked it. Who the hell knows how much it actually made. I also used the quick boil shit. Don’t judge.

4 tablespoons of butter

4 tablespoons of flour

‘bout 3 cups of milk

‘bout 3 cups of cheese

Salt to taste. (In my house, that means a shit load of salt.)

Shit you’re gonna do:

Since you’ve already cooked and shredded your chicken and cooked your broccoli and your rice, all your lazy ass has to do now is make your cheese sauce and throw this shit together.

I’ve posted homemade cheese sauce before, but because I know you’re probably just as lazy as I am and you don’t wanna be diggin’ through shit to find the recipe, let’s just go over it again, shall we?

I cooked this in my dutch oven pot. But a big stockpot will do you good. Something you’d make chili in. Melt your butter in your pot and when it’s pretty much all melted, put in your flour. Now, flour tastes like shit, so you’re gonna need to cook this with the butter for about a minute to get that shitty raw flour taste out. Don’t get your panties in a wad when it gets a little clumpy, kinda like mascara on a walk of shame; it’s supposed to do that.

The reason I said “bout 3 cups of milk” is because I eyeball this shit. I start by adding about a cup of milk at a time and then whisk the hell out of it. Keep adding milk until you get the consistency you want. Start adding handfuls of cheese until the “cheesy” flavor your arteries desire is accomplished. Keep whisking and adding milk if you like more cream (again, double meaning there) and then this is where the salt comes in.

In this house, salt means love. I don’t typically salt food too much when I’m cooking. Because I feel it’s the person’s responsibility who’s eating your shit to clog their own arteries. Also, the desired level of salty goodness is as individual as your ability to pull off a pencil skirt versus an a-line to cover up your gut. But whatever.

Once your cheese sauce is perfect, because with my help, I know you nailed this, put in your chicken, broccoli, and rice and stir. It makes a shitload. And in this case, shitload means “it feeds 6-8”.

If you’re a badass, try this with it…pour your shit in a 9x13, put breadcrumbs and cheese on top and bake at 350 for about 30 minutes. You can also cover your 9x13 and stick it in the freezer to cook later. Now, there’s three options for you…don’t tell me I don’t care…cuz deep down in the bottom of the hooker heels I bought last night, I do.

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