Friday, April 16, 2010

I'ma help a sista out and post some shit up in 'herrrrr today. (D2)

Ok so I will start this blog off with saying you're welcome and no I won't fucking marry you.

That will be what you want to call and tell me if you make this recipe I'm about to share with you all. Now, I'm not afraid to tell you that I'm a roundish lady, a thick girl, a chubby chica, etc... because I am. But I will tell you that I am 4 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight (I have an 8 month old) and I've lost 15 pounds since re-joining weight watchers 2 months ago. Well, I'm willing to gain 6 pounds of that shit back by eating a slice of this fucking chocolate pie.

Chocolate Fucking Pie

Shit you're gonna need:

A bag of high quality semi sweet chocolate chips - I use Ghirardelli or whatever that shit is called. See, my 7-year old is a chocolate snob. Lil mamma won't eat anything but the good shit, Ghirardelli, lindt, Godiva, etc... you won't ever catch her ass eating a kit-kat. Apparently she's royalty, but don't hate on her. Anyway, regardless of what my daughter eats - you do need the good shit for this recipe so don't be cheap.
A ready-made graham cracker pie crust - You could also make one, but who's got that kind of fucking time? Not me.
2 eggs - got through my Costco eggs from February by the way, on to buying them by the dozen again - woot)
20 oz heavy whipping cream - I've seen some recipes call for "whipping cream" or "heavy cream" and some for "heavy whipping cream". Here's some useful information - all that shit is the same. I believe that the dairy farmers just sometimes call it something different to fuck with all of us. You know those dairy folk - sneaky lil fuckers.
2 tbsp vanilla

Shit you're gonna do:
Now I'll start by saying that if you need this pie for a BBQ that you're going to and you agreed to bring dessert because you're lazy (we all know that dessert is the easiest thing to contribute. You can be REALLY lazy and head to your local grocery store ON THE WAY there and pick up a sheet cake for $15 and you're the fucking hero who brought something sweet), make it in the AM because it needs like 4-6 hours to set in the fridge.

Take the fancy-pants semi sweet Ghirardelli chocolate chips and put them into a blender. Now don't get overzealous and turn it on dummy. Just put them in there and move on.
On the stove top, heat up in a sauce pan, your heavy whipping cream. Now, you must remember to not stick your burner on "high" or "10" or whatever setting means "scald this shit" on your particular stove. Milk + too much heat = curdle. So, heat it up slowly. Like on medium. Use a whisk and move it around so it doesn't get that nasty skin on the top, you know what I'm talkin' 'bout. Don't take your eyes off this shit, k? Once it starts to rumble like it wants to boil, remove it from the heat. Pour the hot cream (tee hee) into the blender that already has the chocolate chips in it and watch the magic happen. The chips will melt! Holy shit! Now turn the blender on and watch it become a yummy chocolate-y mixture. Throw in your eggs and vanilla and blend again. Congrats - we're almost done.

Now, this recipe will actually fill 2 pie crusts, I forgot to tell you that. So I hope you foreshadowed and bought 2 pie crusts. If you didn't, you can freeze this shit. Or you can just eat it out of the blender and we'll keep it between you and me.
<> Moving on.

Pour this chocolate goodness into a pie crust just to the almost top. Recover with the plastic lid that comes with the graham cracker crust that the Keebler people generously included in their packaging and put that shit in the fridge for like 4 hours. If you go to pick it up and you see the chocolate mixture move, stop being an inpatient fat-ass and leave it in there until it doesn't move.

This pie is yummy served alone or with its delicious partner-in-crime, whipped cream.

and I ain't got a picture.

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