Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Green Hornet Tacos

D1 and D2 were reunited just after Christmas this year. It was also just after Kwanza, if that’s what you celebrate. It was about 11 days post-Hanukkah.  You get the picture.

When we reunite, amazing shit goes down. We eat, we laugh, we drink, we yell at our children, we compete in multiple dance offs (true story), and dammit – we cook.

That’s not entirely true. We don’t ALWAYS cook. The days that D2 spends at D1’s humble abode are generally a whirlwind and we end up throwing chicken fingers in the oven for our kids while we knock back vodka tonics and stay up late gabbing and pillow fighting. But not this trip, we cooked our asses off. Well, once anyway.

Enter Green Hornet Tacos.

D2 was head chef this night, while D1 was the sous. We headed to Target with 36 children and fought the urge to open the Merlot right off the shelf. We decided on “gourmet” tacos; read: not hard shells made by El Paso, not ground beef seasoned by a packet and lettuce, tomatoes and sour cream. Oh HELL no, we fancy.

Shit you’re gonna need:
  • Tortillas. Now, we used corn tortillas because D1 can’t eat the flour ones. Your preference.
  • A ready-made rotisserie chicken
  • Garlic
  • A bag of ready-to-use coleslaw vegetables. (cabbage and carrots were in it I think).
  • Olive Oil
  • Sliced up tomaties

For THE sauce:
  •  2 avocados
  • 4 oz of sour cream, the fattening shit.
  •  ½ of a red onion
  • ½ bunch of cilantro
  • The juice of 2 limes
  • The hair of a donkey’s balls. (just kiddin!)

Shit you’re gonna do:

THE Sauce:
No, that’s not me forgetting to turn off my caps-lock. This shit can only be categorized as “THE sauce” because it’s similar to being “THE man”, if it were human. This sauce will make you speak in tongues, it will make you feel funny in your undershorts, and it could be eaten out of a shoe and still be magnificent. (kind of like Nutella)

Open up your avocados and gut those bad boys into a bowl, and mash them up with a potato masher. If you don't have a potato masher you'll have to get creative. Like, use the back of a spoon. Chop your red onions into little pieces and throw them in there. Wash your cilantro, and chop that up too – throw in. Squeeze the lime juice into the bowl as well and mix in your sour cream. Easy huh? Now, here’s where you may be in a pickle. If you taste it, it will be very difficult to not open your nearest bag of tortilla chips and go down on this shit while you cook the other stuff. Resist the urge people. Taste to be sure it doesn't need anything, and then move on.

The Tacos:
Now, we took the easy way out and we bought an already made chicken. Wanna know why? Because we took 36 kids with us to Target for groceries, that’s why. We needed extra time to drink and plus, it was getting late and we were famished.

Pull all of the meat that you possibly can off of that cooked chicken and shred it up. Once you’re done, toss it in a pan with some garlic and olive oil to give it a different flavor than the one you brought it home with.  Set aside or stick in a warm oven to keep warm. Cover that shit up though, so it doesn't dry out.

In the same pan, add more olive oil and a little more garlic and throw the bag of coleslaw veggies in there. Sauté them up so they’re soft and slightly translucent. Remove from heat.

Dice up your tomatoes for garnish.

Now, you can do what I did and individually warm each tortilla in a frying pan with a little bit of olive oil, or you can stick them in your warm oven, or even in the microwave for 10 seconds. Your choice. I prefer them pan-heated, but that’s just me.

It’s almost chow time, keep your panties on.

We used 2 tortillas per taco, because then they can withstand the weight of the deliciousness that you’re about to load them with. If you use one, and pile all other stuff in there – you’ll be the one with a broken taco. NO ONE likes a broken taco, trust me on this one.

So, commence to loading.  Chicken first, then the cooked ‘slaw, then THE sauce, then some diced up maters. These fucking tacos will knock your socks off. Just THE sauce alone will and I’m fairly certain that it is the only reason that these tacos are so life-changing. You could forget all the other ingredients and just eat THE sauce out of your shoe and save yourself the trouble – up to you. 

1 comment:

  1. I don't even like avo and I want to eat this just because of the way you've written about it. Frikkin pissing myself here! (not with Merlot yet because it's only lunch time... no wait... that's a dumb excuse). :D Thanks always for a great laugh! (And for surviving the festive season)