Copy Cat

Alright. I’ll admit it. I have an addiction that only Lindsay Lohan and Liza Minnelli can relate to. It’s Chipotle. I get a hiney tingle and my jaw locks into a smile that can only compete with a 16 year old boy that just lost his virginity. You promise me Chipotle and I’ll pretty much do anything. True story.

Cilantro and Lime Rice – Chipotle style

Shit you’re gonna need:

1 cup of basmati rice (You could probably use cheap ass rice like I normally do, but live on the edge people.)

1 tbs. of Goya’s Cilantro cooking base (“Wait. What? You mean you’re not using fresh cilantro.” “No. No I’m not. I don’t buy fresh herbs, because this shit lasts forever. AND my ‘other’ dad, who happens to be D2’s dad, Coco, would be extremely proud that I used this. So there.”)

3 tbs of lime juice (Yes, I used the bottled shit. Why? Because all the fresh limes I had were used in my vodka. Deal with it.)

Salt (you’re gonna need a shit load. True story.)

Shit you’re gonna do:

This isn’t hard people. It’s really not. If I can’t fuck this up; neither will you. So, you boil the rice just as it tells you on the package. Bring salted water to a boil, add the rice and then turn it on low for 17-22 minutes. Fluff it up with a fork and then add your cilantro base and your lime juice and fluff again. Now, taste it. You’re gonna open your pie hole, shovel this in and say “Shit needs salt.” Exactly. This is where you’re gonna need to salt the hell out of it. I don’t wanna tell you how much because it’s your arteries, your preference. Once it’s stirred up, I want you to sit back and pretend that you didn’t have to stand in some long ass line at Chipotle. If you want to be a fucking rockstar, feel free to add more cilantro base or even some fresh cilantro to it. Again, my fridge is stocked with fucking squeezy yogurts, juice boxes and wine. I don’t have room for fresh herbs. Let me know if any of you use the cheap ass five minute boil rice. I’m curious. Not like Andy Dick curious…those were my college days, just sayin’.