Arti-Choke Her Out Dip (D2)

So I’m a big fan of that spinach and artichoke dip that you can get at most fine eating establishments, even the one that you can get at a cheap ass restaurant for $3.99. I ain’t picky when it comes to cheesy goodness that you can stick on a fucking tortilla chip. So I came up with my own version, sans the spinach because I just can’t get that shit right and it ends up kinda weird. Don’t worry, this dip won’t disappoint. And if you’re serving it in the right place, you’ll have some drunk guy follow you around all night telling you that your dip makes his penis tingle. Happened to me, no shit.

Shit you’re gonna need:

• 1 cup of parmesan cheese (the cheap shit is what you need)


• 1 cup of very fattening mayonnaise (don’t get no fat free shit, k?)


• 1 cup of very fattening sour cream (let’s get serious, sour cream is meant to be fattening. Don’t get that “part-skim”, or “low-calorie” bullshit. Man up)


• 1 can of artichokes in water (not just the hearts either)

Shit you’re gonna do:
Shit you’re gonna do: First heat your oven up to like 350 degrees. I can’t tell you how many fucking times I’ve thrown all my shit together and the goddamn oven is cold. Shit pisses me off.

Take the artichokes out of the can and choke those bitches out. Get out some anger on these fuckers because you know you can’t really choke your kids now matter how much they annoy you. Or your husband for asking what you did all day since dinner isn’t ready at 6:30pm. Let those artichokes pay, they won’t mind. Make sure your artichokes basically have no liquid left in them or you’ll regret it, trust me.

When you’re done doing that, rip those little fuckers to shreds. I know this dip seems angry, but it will have a happy ending (hardy har har). Upon ripping, stick them in a mixing bowl of some kind. Now, measure out a cup of each of the remaining ingredients and mix all that shit together. Look nasty and weird? Good, now carry on.

Get a pan of some kind that will fit this concoction, something similar to what you’d cook some brownies in will do. If you’re headed to a party, you could use one of those aluminum disposable thingys so you can leave that bitch there when you sneak out because you realize you don’t like all those weirdos as much anymore.

Spray it with some kitchen KY just in case, dump the mixture in, and throw that shit in the pre-heated (yes!) oven and let that shit bake for like 15-20 minutes. Keep your eye on that fucker and take it out when it’s nice and brown and Michael Buble’ on the top. Don’t overcook or you’ll be the dick who overcooked the artichoke dip.

Serve with tortilla chips, crackers, pita chips, your goddamn fingers for all I care. And enjoy!