Sunday, December 26, 2010

Sausage Gravy. And a story about a tramp..oline.

Since it’s the day after Christmas and I’m filled to the fucking gills with food, I thought I’d make you long for something more. More fat and more artery clogging nonsense to fill your thighs with. God Bless everyone.

The kids got a trampoline for Christmas. And Christmas day here in sunny fucking Florida was a beautiful 75 degrees. But of course, the day AFTER Christmas it was windy and as cold as Angelina Joile’s soul. I knew it would be a feat in to get that fucking trampoline up because it was so damn crappy here. But since I had to work the next day, we HAD to get that shit up or the kids would be all up my ass about how fucking bored they are. Even though Toys R Us basically just shat in my living room, but I digress…

Sausage Gravy.

Shit you’re gonna need:
½ pound of ground sausage (I used half a package of Jimmy Dean. It’s those fat ass blunt rolled sausages that work the best, if you ask me.)
2 tablespoons of butter (I fucking ran out of butter after this. Sucked. But at least the butter gods were there to assist me in my devious attempt at getting that fucking trampoline going.)
2 tablespoons of flour (I hate the smell of that shit.)
‘Bout 1 ½ cups of milk (You may need more if you like your gravy creamier. Again, double meaning there.)
Salt and Pepper

Shit you’re gonna do:
I used my iron skillet, but any skillet will do. Don’t beat yourself up about it there Mike Tyson. But go ahead and brown up your sausage. Once it’s browned, you’ll notice that it doesn’t necessarily render a lot of fat, so we’re gonna have to add our own. Drop in your two tablespoons of butter and then your flour. Now, since flour tastes like shit (and smells like shit too), let this crap cook for about a minute. Then start adding your milk. I add about ½ cup at a time whisking the hell out of it to get those little bits of sausage goodness into your sauce. It’ll thicken; then add more milk. Keep doing that until you get the consistency you want and then salt and pepper the shit out of this until your arteries are happy.

Seriously – you’re fucking done. That’s it. Pour this shit over biscuits…homemade or canned, I don’t give a rat’s ass…and then stand with your back to a mirror and watch your ass grow.

I’m now off to put the “tramp” in trampoline…


  1. seriously..this may be the equivalent of kryptonite for cold potentially work on so many things besides are def on to something here :)

  2. Nicely done. I admire your ability to be mother-of-the-year and wife-of-the-year while simultaneously getting your rocks off. You are my hero.