My friend, “L” and I were craving crescent rolls and
cheese. We wanted mother fucking cheese
in an instant and had drank too much Chardonnay to even think about heading to
the local pub for some nasty ass, over fried, greasy cheese sticks. But boy did we ever try to convince someone
to take us. So, instead, we raided my
fridge and found crescent rolls, VOILA!
Cheese sticks for my kids’ lunches, VOILA! Garlic salt…pizza sauce for dipping…and
mother fucking oregano. JACKPOT! (btw, there are no pictures. I wasn't sure how they were gonna turn out, but they came out amazing. Shoulda taken pictures. Sorry 'bout that.)
Shit you’re gonna
need: (even though I just gave you the run down of the ingredients,
let’s break it down, shall we?)
1 tube of crescent
rolls (aka, 8 triangles sent directly from heaven)
4 cheese sticks (yes,
these were for my kids’ lunches, but I’m just THAT kind of mom)
garlic salt (you
can’t live a full and productive life without this in your cabinet)
dried oregano in a
jar (cuz I don’t buy the fresh stuff)
Pizza sauce (the
kind in the jar that you pull out of the cabinet and realize the use by date is
two weeks past, but you’ve had enough wine to say, “Fuck it. There’s
preservatives in this shit. We’ll be
fine.”
Shit you’re gonna
do:
Preheat your oven to 375, I believe. I’ve since thrown away the package, so I’m
not sure what the crescent roll package says, so please confirm with the tube
you have, because my wacky ass is probably wrong.
While the oven is preheating, cut your cheese sticks in
half. That way, you’ll have the eight
needed for the eight crescent triangles.
Spray a baking sheet with Kitchen KY (aka, non stick cooking spray, for
you newbies out there) and set it aside.
You’re gonna unroll each crescent triangle and then plop
down one of the cut cheese sticks at the end of the fat part of the
triangle. Then, lay the corners of the
fat part over the cheese stick and the roll that bitch up. The goal is to make sure the cheese stick is
completely covered so that none of that over processed, calcium goodness leaks
out.
Once you’ve gotten all eight of them rolled up, put them on
your baking sheet, sprinkle with garlic salt and oregano, and then bake for
about 14 minutes. Again, please confirm
the time with the tube of crescent rolls that you used. Seriously.
I’m really bad at that shit and I don’t want your panties in a wad that
I told you the wrong time. And don’t be
stupid. Put a timer on. If you don’t, that wine will most definitely
help you forget when you actually put those little bastards in the oven. Trust me.
I know. I’ll look right at the
fucking clock and go “Yep. 7:14pm. I
need to take them out of the oven at 7:27pm.”
And who the hell do you think forgot in .00035 seconds later. This girl right here.
